One of my past times was to check forums, especially the forums related to Stoicism. I always see people getting confused about love, dating, and relationships in Stoicism forums. Many don’t understand how they should handle situations where they feel love and want to date someone. Thus, I decided to give my insights and write this post.
You can date a Stoic and a Stoic person can fall in love. Everyone can feel love because it is a universal emotion. However, take note that Stoics try not to expect things from their partner a relationship because it is outside their control. Furthermore, they date virtuously.
This blog post will give you what you should expect when dating a Stoic person. How will Stoics act in relationships, and what are the things you should be aware of when dating a Stoic person.
Can you date a Stoic?
Stoics can date and be in relationships. In fact, there are ancient Stoics who left letters writing to their wives, such as Marcus Aurelius and Seneca.
Furthermore, one of the good things you can expect in dating a Stoic is they are virtuous. Particularly, they love while still following the 4 Stoics virtues.
These virtues are Wisdom, Justice, Courage, and Temperance.
That means when Stoics date others. They are always virtuous when dealing with you.
Following the four Stoic virtues, they will be fair and can reciprocate your love following justice, courageous in showing their love, show temperance in love, and wise in their judgments.
In short, expect to have a mature relationship where your partner will use their rational thinking.
Of course, there is a negative side to always being rational in a relationship which we will discuss at the end of this post.
But for now, when dating a Stoic, expect a mature and virtuous relationship.
For a guide on the basics of Stoicism, I made a post you can read which will introduce you to their primary goal. This is enough to set your expectations into relationships. So here is the link: What is the Stoic’s primary goal.
A Stoic can accept love from others and be grateful. They will accept the feeling of love and handle it with logic and wisdom.
That’s why another thing you should expect from Stoics is they wouldn’t expect something from you because it can cause disappointments.
It can be frustrating, but it is one of the core principles of Stoicism.
But why? Why wouldn’t Stoics expect things in a relationship? We will talk about that in the next section.
Can a Stoic be in a relationship?
A Stoic can be in a relationship as love is something Stoics accept. In fact, popular Stoics such as Seneca and Marcus Aurelius left some writing about their love for their wives. Furthermore, feeling in love is outside our control. Thus, Stoics accept falling in love and relationships as a part of fate.
To help you understand why Stoics fall in love but not expect from relationships, we have to talk about the dichotomy of control.
This would also explain why it is possible to date a Stoic.
The dichotomy of control is the most fundamental principle a Stoic follows. This basically means that there are things we can and can’t control.
Generally speaking, we should focus on what we can control and don’t mind the things we can’t.
Using this, let’s talk about why Stoics can fall in love.
Emotions, according to Stoics, are a part of life. Therefore, since it is a part of life, there is no use denying them.
Thus, emotions such as love are accepted as part of life, and Stoics understand that they can fall in love.
Another thing they can’t control is other people’s thoughts and actions.
That’s why they know that they can’t control your actions and thoughts. So expecting things they can’t control will always be a bad idea for them.
That’s why they wouldn’t expect things from you. It’s not that they don’t love you. It’s just how they deal with life so they wouldn’t get hurt.
As you can see, the dichotomy of control explains how my Stoics react the way they do. Stoics accept love because they know it is a fact, and denying it is unwise.
While these are all signs that dating a Stoic person is viable, there is a big problem with dating a Stoic, which someone should prepare for. I will talk about that in the next section.
This blog post is about dating a Stoic, which means it is directed to people who want to date or like a Stoic person.
For people practicing Stoicism and would like to date, I made a blog post specifically talking about Stoic’s view of relationships. You can find it here: What the Stoics say about love.
Can Stoic people fall in love?
A Stoic person can fall and accept love. However, because they stay away from too much emotions, it can be hard for them to connect emotionally with their partner. This can cause some misunderstandings in a relationship. Thus, balance is necessary when falling in love.
A Stoic person can fall in love because love is embedded with being human. Therefore, denying love is not following the Stoic concept of the dichotomy of control, and many famous Stoics have been found to live happily with their partners.
However, that doesn’t mean that there is no downside for Stoic people falling in love, and if you plan to date a Stoic, you need to expect a common problem with dating a Stoic person.
That problem arises because Stoics tend to always act in logic and stay away from too much emotion or passion.
Because humans heavily connect love with emotional connection, it might look like your relationship isn’t moving. Connecting emotionally is essential in developing trust and love with each other.
Knowing this, it is hard for Stoics to improve their romantic relationships as they try not to let emotions motivate their thinking and actions.
Thus, in planning to date a Stoic, prepare to have some problems with connecting emotionally. However, that doesn’t mean that dating a Stoic is bad.
While it is harder to connect emotionally with Stoics, it is possible. Since we are all human, we are all subjected to emotions.
In fact, if a Stoic really loves you, they might try to connect emotionally and bring balance into their lives. There is nothing wrong with connecting emotionally with another person if there is balance.
That means a Stoic can achieve a balance where they can connect emotionally to the person they’re dating and being Stoic.
Furthermore, dating a person who uses logic in dealing with life is a big plus. Stoics are virtuous even in dating.
While dating a Stoic person can be difficult for a non-Stoic partner, dating and loving a Stoic person can be a rich experience for both parties because Stoics have a tranquil mind and the ability to love their partner above all else.
What’s next? If you’re having trouble reconciling Stoicism having emotions, I made a research polling 368 Stoics which I have them answered if they are coldhearted or not. You can find the results in my blog post here: Are Stoics coldhearted?