As we go through life and love, one of the things we don’t want to experience is having a divorce. Those times can be challenging for a person because they involve a lot of change to their lives. What’s good is that Stoicism has some insights on how we can cope up and still live life happily even when bad things such as this happen. Now, how do the Stoics deal with divorce?
The Stoics deal with divorce by accepting the things they can’t control, making it easier for them to forgive others, causing them to live peacefully regardless of the situation. Furthermore, they see hardships as a learning opportunity to make themselves better. Lastly, they act logically and do not let emotions drive their actions.
This blog post will talk about Stoicism and Divorce and what the Stoics do when these bad things happen. Some insights to make this transition easier and how to forgive people who did something terrible to us?
How do Stoics deal with divorce?
The Stoics deal with divorce by following the dichotomy of control. This means accepting the things they have no control over. Divorce involves a lot of things a person can’t control, such as their spouse and children. By letting things go and forgiving people, a Stoic can still live happily regardless of how bad the situation is.
Here, I have some Stoic tips for moving on and preventing more mistakes along the way.
You will handle the situation the Stoic way, which makes us resilient during challenging times.
1. Accept The Things You Can’t Control
One of the key fundamentals of Stoicism is the dichotomy of control.
This means accepting the things they can’t control regardless of how hard it is.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of things we can’t control when it comes to divorce. Things such as the judge, the law, spouse, and children are outside your control.
Accepting this fact helps us cope up in case things don’t go our way.
Instead of trying to resist what’s not under our control, we can be more resilient and prepare for the things to come by learning to accept the fact.
I know how hard it can be to accept the truth. However, sometimes, the only thing we can do is to accept. This sets us free and lessens our stress regarding the matter.
The good news is there are things we can also control. One of which is how we act.
In the next section, we will talk about how these hardships can be a learning opportunity.
For now, you need to know that you need to assess the situation since there are things you can control.
For example, you can control your actions. There is no harm in trying if you believe that you can still save the relationship because of your error.
However, if the cause of the divorce is not under your control, we have no choice but to accept it.
As I said earlier, one of the benefits of Stoicism is it makes you resilient.
By accepting hard truth, we can move on faster and still be grateful for the life we have.
2. See Hardships as a Learning Opportunity
Stoics should care only about the things we can control.
There will always be times when we can’t change the outcome and how things go, but we can always seek some learning opportunity.
What are the things you did wrong? What can you do to be better?
Sometimes, there are valuable lessons we can learn no matter how challenging the situation is.
I know how hard it is to accept the fact. That’s why this is only the second tip.
You can only learn from your mistakes if you accept them first.
3. Forgive Others For Your Happiness
There are many advantages to forgiving.
This time, let me speak of the advantage of forgiving yourself.
I know how hard it is to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. Furthermore, it can be harder to forgive others, primarily if it is caused by their mistake.
However, since we can’t do something about it, what we can do for ourselves is to forgive.
By forgiving, we can feel peace and happiness again. Only by forgiving can we start to feel light again.
Not forgiving others even if it’s their fault can cause a lot of stress and sadness.
That’s why the Stoics know how to forgive. Forgiving others is one of the things we can do to make ourselves happy regardless of the things we experience.
By forgiving others, we can lessen the burden we feel regardless of its source.
If you can’t forgive others because of the things they’ve done, think about how forgiveness can help you feel at ease again. That way, you can start living happily again.
4. Love without Expecting Something In Return
The Stoics love without expecting something in return. By forgiving others, we can learn to love again.
Remember that by following all of the tips above, we can start to love again, and when we love again, we should love without expecting something in return.
According to Stoicism, getting love from others is outside our control. We can’t force anyone to love us. Instead, what we can control is to love others.
That’s why we should always love other people without expecting returns. That way, we won’t be frustrated regardless of whether the person loves us back or not.
What this means is you should still love your spouse regardless of what’s happening.
If you don’t love them anymore, love your spouse because of your love for your children.
Who knows? Maybe the goodness you show them makes them rethink the divorce and may eventually want to try again.
5. Use Logic in Deciding
Right now, we would talk about how we should act in a Stoic way to prevent more damages.
According to Stoics, one should always act on logic to prevent any errors.
In fact, acting not according to logic causes us to make more mistakes.
We should always let logic decide what we should do.
However, how can we do that? We’ll talk about it in the next section.
6. Not Letting Emotions Drive Your Actions
By not letting our emotions drive our actions, we can act logically.
This does not mean removing our emotions. It simply means not letting emotions drive our actions.
A perfect example is when you’re in a bad mood. Being in a bad mood is not a signal to shout at everyone around you.
If you think about it, it’s illogical to be mad at everyone just because you’re not in the mood.
The problem here is that trying times, such as when experiencing divorce, cause us to be more emotional than usual.
This means we can do things based on emotions which could cause regret in the future.
That’s why we need to act logically. Think a lot before speaking, and don’t do anything if you feel you’re being too emotional.
By following this, you can prevent more problems that can occur in the future.
7. Follow the Stoic Virtues
The Stoics do all things, including divorce, according to the Stoic virtues, which as wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance.
Virtues serve as our guide in how we should respond to things around us.
Because of that, the 4 Stoic virtues serve as the summary of how to react.
With regards to divorce, a Stoic should act in wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance.
- Wisdom – A Stoic should handle divorce with wisdom by reacting to situations in a logical and calm manner.
- Justice – A Stoic should handle divorce with justice by fair treatment and involving only the people who has connections to the matter.
- Courage – A Stoic should handle divorce with courage by facing challenges to fix or accept situations no matter how hard it is.
- Temperance – A Stoic should hanle divorce with temperance which means self-restraint and not letting emotions drive our actions.
8. Don’t Let Ego Affect Your Judgements
Now that I talked about virtues let me expand it by talking about our ego.
Sometimes, we can’t accept the truth because of our ego. This can be hard since the ego affects us at an emotional level.
The ego prevents us from acting logically. As a result, we tend to protect our ego, and Stoics know that ego can become an enemy on many occasions.
That’s why by knowing this and preventing ego, we can act logically following Stoic virtues.
9. Stay Hopeful for the Future
Just because we experienced some hardship doesn’t mean there is no hope for the future.
By accepting, forgiving, and making ourselves better, we can constantly stay hopeful for the future.
We should always have hope. Times can be challenging. However, things constantly change.
There will be times where we experience hardships, such as when experiencing divorce. However, there are also times where we experience the other way around.
That’s why it is important to forgive. It gives us the will to hope again for a better tomorrow.
If you want information on How Stoics deal with heartbreaks, you may see this blog post: The Stoic ways in dealings breakups.
How would a Stoic handle a spouse that is unfaithful?
A Stoic should handle a spouse that is unfaithful by first checking if they can control the situation. If the situation is something they can affect or control, then the Stoic can do something to fix the situation. However, we can’t control some situations, and in that case, a Stoic should accept the fact and act according to Stoic virtues.
This is a common question. What if your spouse is unfaithful, and that’s why your relationship crumbled.
The truth is, the same Stoic principle applies.
We can’t control other people. Since how they act is outside our control, what we can only do is to accept that it already happened and forgive the person.
However, it is crucial to have a clear perspective on the situation. Sometimes, cheating can be caused by your lack of attention to the person.
If the cause is something you can control, it is not wrong to try fixing the problem. Have a conversation and talk about how you can fix the situation.
Lastly, act and decide logically and not emotionally. Stoics act according to logic by not letting emotions or passion hinder their thoughts.
By doing these, you can handle the situation according to Stoic principles.
Do Stoics forgive?
The Stoics forgive because it is one of the ways to accept the truth and to follow the dichotomy of control. Not forgiving others is a sign of not letting go of the things people can’t control, which causes unnecessary stress. By forgiving, a Stoic can live peacefully and happily regardless of the bad things life throws at them.
Forgiveness is very important. Thus, it deserves to have a separate section.
As we talked about many tips in this blog post, I would like to give you the main tip: accepting what we can’t control.
By accepting the truth, no matter what it is, we can forgive. By forgiving, we can live happily.
Also, by forgiving others, we can love other people without expecting something in return.
The Stoics forgive since it is one of the core fundamentals of the dichotomy of control. By forgiving, we can lessen stress and live life happily regardless of the divorce.
What’s next? Now that you understand the importance of forgiving other people, it’s time to seek happiness. How do Stoics find happiness? You can find that in my other blog post. Here is the link: How do the Stoics find happiness?
“Only the things I love.“
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If you’re following me, you’ll know that I believe it is essential to have some tools, whether it’s for personal development or lifestyle in general.
So, here are the things I love.
If you want to learn things for free, then I recommend you to watch my YouTube Channel. Click the Button Below to go straight into my Channel. 🙂
Okay, let me first explain my Channel.
I believe that I really can’t explain everything too well on my blog. That’s why I created a YouTube Channel so I can easily explain a lot of things. Plus, I believe that Video Sharing is the future.
The next thing is books. Books are, for me, one of the cheapest ways to get invaluable information. We can learn personal development, finance, career, relationships, and many more from books.
Here, I will be listing my favorite books in different categories.
- For Beginners – 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey – Personal development has a lot of concepts and ideas to learn. Thus it can be really hard for beginners to know where to start. Thus, I recommend this book since all the basic concepts of personal development are here(except finance, check what I recommended for that)
- Productivity – The One Thing by Gary Keller – This book teaches us the power of focusing on one thing which is the ultimate source of productivity. The concepts taught are what I am using to constantly publish YouTube videos while maintaining this website.
- Busy? – Make Time by Jack Knapp – This book teaches us how to make time for the things we love. The concept is really simple but I think that makes it a book worth reading.
- Health – Lifespan by Dr.Sinclair – This Book teaches about the latest scientific research on lifespan. In his book, he has shared numerous things he is doing to slow down his aging process. This can be as easy as eating less which he recommends.
- Finance – The Richest Man in Babylon by George Clason – Perhaps one of the first books I’ve read about Finance, this book for me is the best if we are talking about learning basic finance such as basic saving and investing. The concepts are very simple but effective.
Take this advice as a grain of salt.
I don’t recommend buying Audiobooks one by one. I mean, audiobooks can be quickly finished by listening while working out or doing some mindless tasks.
So here is to save you some money. Just go for a monthly subscription to Audible. I believe that you will save a lot of money with that plus, they usually give freebies to anyone starting.
My Audiobook Recommendation will always be the same as my book recommendations, but I personally like The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. I like how she is so casual while reading her book.