How to Stop Being so Quiet | Hint: It’s Not What Most Think

As an introvert, I can say that being quiet has been a big part of my life, and contributing to conversations is one of the skills that I needed to develop in order to be more social. I really understand how some people say that they are having a hard time speaking in conversations. Thus, I want to share in this article the things I’ve learned on how to stop being so quiet.

The best way to stop being so quiet is to focus on the conversation and not what you are going to say next. Doing this makes you go into the flow of the discussion making your response faster and more genuine. Furthermore, being positive also helps to prevent awkward situations.

Here, I have made a lot of tips that you can apply immediately to start conversing with others. These are the things that actually help me gradually reduced my social awkwardness and was able to start using my social skills to improve my career and life.

Listen More to the Conversation

While a lot would give tips to speak to the conversation, the one I find the most helpful is to actually listen more to the conversation.

What I mean by this is instead of asking yourself what you’re going to say next, be focused on the current conversation.

I find that really listening to the person you’re talking with, is way better than just talking a lot.

Actually, if you ask yourself, you would always prefer people genuinely listening to you than the one who always talks.

By listening more to the conversation, the person you’re talking with would feel that you’re really genuine in your conversation and would most likely enjoy talking with you even in the near future.

Furthermore, listening more into the conversation lets you into the flow of discussion which makes it a lot easier for our brain to respond.

Before, when I was always thinking of what to respond, I find that some of my responses were quite irrelevant to the conversation, making it obvious that I’m listening. Thus, it makes the conversations awkward.

Instead, listening more makes us better in communication as most of our responses are always in line with the conversation.

This alone is enough because one of the main causes of people not talking is because they feel like they always produce awkward silence. By making your response in line with the conversation, this can be prevented.

This alone can make you instantly better at communication and would prevent you from being quiet.

It’s Alright To Be Quiet

Sometimes, it is alright to be quiet. It is actually bad to stress yourself out when you speak. The reason is that most of our response when we’re stressed is just bad.

Furthermore, I think you know how annoying it is to meet people who are always talking.

Sometimes, being quiet and listening to the conversation is as good as contributing to the conversation. It shows that you are genuinely interested in what the other person is saying.

I just want you to know that there is nothing wrong with being quiet in conversation. However, there will be times where you might be forced to speak.

When that happens, don’t worry since I will share with you some tips below that could help you get out of this scenario.

I actually made a fun article about introverts like me. It is an article discussing the way introverts socialize. Actually, the infographic for that article got viral on Reddit which was quite fun. If you’re interested, here is the link: How Introverts Socialize.

Force Yourself To Contribute

Being quiet is perfectly fine. However, too much of everything is bad. This includes being too quiet.

What I mean by this is that there are just moments where we need to talk to others but we tend to just stay quiet. When this happens, it’s not a good idea to stay quiet.

That’s why you should try forcing yourself into talking.

What forcing here means is that you know you really have something to say but you just can’t. That is different from being quiet that I said.

If you really have something important to say, you need to force yourself into contributing to the conversation.

Most likely, when you start listening to the conversation, these types of responses would instantly pop into your mind. Thus, when this happens make sure to tell it.

This might seem weird, but I practiced this by talking to myself in the mirror. It worked for me and I think it might also work for you. This is a good practice since you’re not talking to others but only yourself.

That makes you more comfortable speaking up when you’re literally talking to others.

Be Positive on the Things You Say or Contribute

One of the things that prevent people to speak in conversations is that they are scared that they are going to say something wrong or just out of the conversation.

Preventing statements that are out of the conversation is actually easy and that is to actively listen to the conversation. Do not think of what you’re going to answer next. We are not good at multitasking.

Saying something wrong, which prevents a lot of people from speaking, is the most common reason why people get quiet.

This just leads to the awkward scenario that most people hate. This includes introverts like me.

What helped me during these cases is to speak positively.

For example, when someone is talking about their dream, don’t say that their dreams are unreachable. Or that what they’re thinking is impossible.

When someone is talking to you about their looks, make sure not to tell something bad about it.

Just don’t go into the negatives and you will most likely solve 80% of your problems when it comes to an awkward situation.

Also, remember that almost all people hate negative thinking. This has been more apparent based on experience. When I’m talking to people or in business meetings, nobody wants someone who is negative. Negative people would always break the mood of a conversation leading to awkward situations.

However, there are times where it would still be awkward even if you’re positive. We’ll also talk about that later.

Get Into the Flow of the Discussion

One of the most common mistakes people make when it comes to socializing is that they are preventing themselves from going to the flow of the discussion of conversation. This happens because they are most likely focusing on what to say, rather than letting themselves go into the conversation.

This is a big mistake. If you really want to have a meaningful relationship with other people, you need to learn how to get into the flow of your discussion.

The simple way to do this is by allowing yourself to listen and be genuine in what others are saying. This prevents you from being too quiet.

I believe that all of us can speak well in conversations. That includes introverts such as myself.

The problem is that most people worry what to respond. This is a problem since most of us are bad at multitasking. The best way to solve this is to listen and get into the flow of the conversation.

I know that most of us have experienced this at least once in our lives. When we are just talking to each other and it’s just like everything clicks. You can respond fast and all of you are having fun while in the conversation.

That happens because you got into the flow. This is our target and why I am telling you all of these even if it is quite repetitive. The reason is that I really want you to know that the key to communication is listening and getting into the flow of the conversation.

This tip alone is enough to bring your social skills to the next level.

I have a separate article giving tips on social skills which is a good read if you want to have better social skills. It can be used together with this article to bring your social skills to the next level: How to Improve Social Skills and Confidence

React on What Others Are Saying

Reacting to what others are saying is a quick and easy step in order to contribute to the conversation. If you really want to speak and prevent yourself from being quiet, then this is one of the tips that can help. However, remember to not be negative when reacting.

Let’s say you really want to prevent being quiet and just want to talk.

Then you don’t know what to say at all. Then this is an easy way to speak.

Just react to what others are saying.

This is really simple, but it would show that you are really listening and shows interest in the topic.

For example, it can be as easy as just saying “yeah” or “uh-huh”.

However, take note of your reactions. Do not respond or react in a negative way.

Be always positive when reacting. That is a small pointer but that is big when it comes to this.

Almost all people react without thinking. The more you can prevent this from happening, the better your conversations will be.

But reacting is not all about speaking, it is also about body language which is the next tip.

Use Your Body Language

Most people will prioritize someone who is just listening genuinely rather than someone who talks a lot.

I also know that it is hard for introverts to open up and speak. Thus, there is actually a quick solution.

Communication is not all about speaking. Body language is also important and most people would feel or understand body the body language of others.

It helps get the context of conversations.

Thus, if you’re having trouble speaking to conversations, it is also a good idea to show body language instead.

This is especially true for people on the extreme side of being introverted. There is nothing wrong with using your body language instead of talking.

This is actually easy such as nodding instead of saying yes.

Nodding is a sign that you agree with what others are saying and it is also a sign that you are listening to what others are saying.

Check Other People’s Personality

Sometimes, it might be hard to admit but there are people who we just don’t get along with.

That is actually normal since we all have different personalities and some personalities don’t fit with each other.

And that’s completely fine. We can’t make everyone like us. That is just a fact about life.

Even the most charismatic people have enemies.

The reason I’m saying this is that there are times where you just don’t feel like talking to a person because it’s just that you don’t get along well.

However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try improving yourself socially. This only happens when you already exhausted all means to be likable.

Learn More About the Topic

If you’ve even been to a social group that’s filled with experts in a certain field, there are moments where you just won’t understand what they’re talking about.

There are multiple reasons for this such as using jargon, inside jokes, or just that you’re inexperienced with the topic.

When I was first introduced to programming, it was really hard as I would always hear things that only programmers will understand.

What helped me there is to study a little programming which helped me communicate with them in the future.

Even if I said earlier that there are just people that we aren’t compatible with, I am talking about personality. In here, there are people who we just don’t get along with simply because we don’t understand what they’re talking about.

So try learning the basics. Try understanding the topic of their interest.

It is actually a clever hack to talk to everyone and get along.

For example, learn a little accounting to talk to your accountant friends. Learn a bit about filmmaking for filmmakers.

In fact, I use this strategy a lot.

And the common misconception is that you need to be an expert before doing this. The truth is people like sharing their expertise.

I often just know the basics and ask people for their insights regarding the topic. I also ask them if there’s something I’m not sure about.

People love sharing, especially their expertise especially if you show interest in the things they find fun.

This not only works on their work, but it is also true for hobbies such as musical instruments, toy collection, and much more.

Observe the People and the Surroundings

When caught in situations where you can’t say anything, or it’s your first time meeting, try observing the person and the surroundings. The setting is a good start to any conversation especially if you have no idea what to talk about.

I find that observation is really a cool thing when it comes to starting a conversation or meeting new people.

It is also helpful if you’re forced to say something and you have no idea what to say.

This can be as simple as telling the person they’re really dressed well for the occasion, or that their office looks great.

However, I am not a fan of this method simply because most people know that most of these comments are just filler. Which means that there’s just no meaning behind the statement.

But this works when you really have nothing to say, or to start a conversation. But be careful not to use it often.

Ask Questions

Observing the person and their surroundings is a good way to prevent you from staying quiet. However, there is a better way to continue conversations. That’s why I said that observation is only good when starting it.

Asking questions is a good way in continuing the conversation. When you have nothing else to say, just try to question what the person is saying.

This can be as easy as asking for their opinion or letting them elaborate on the topic they’re discussing.

I find this strategy helpful at times where I don’t know what to say. It also shows my interest in the topic which makes the one talking happy.

So try asking follow-up questions. This is a good way to continue the conversation. I really find this a lot helpful in making others have fun in the conversation.

That is because generally, people love talking about themselves.

Repeat What the Others Are Saying

When you don’t have any questions to say, then it is also good to just repeat what they’re saying.

But I advise not to repeat it word for word. It is better to paraphrase so it would look like you’re really listening.

Repeating what they’re saying is a good way to stop yourself from being quiet in conversations. It shows that you are listening and interested.

Another good thing here is that if the person is really in the mood, right after repeating, they would continue their story which helps us introverts into staying quiet again.

Plus, repeating what others are saying is less prone to awkward situations because you’re just repeating what they’re saying.

This is the safest way in order to prevent awkward situations. Perhaps, the only thing that can make things awkward if you do this is that you are wrong in repeating their statement.

Don’t be Scared of Silence

Most introverts such as myself are just scared of awkward silence. The reason for this is that it’s just very uncomfortable having silence even for just a few seconds.

But don’t be.

It took me a long time to realize but silence is actually fine.

If what you do when there is silence is to just talk and talk, there is a big chance that you’re going to have a mistake.

Sometimes, it is better to just leave the conversation rather than making mistakes.

Remember that silence is part of the conversation. It is actually not that bad once you get used to it.

Of course, there are ways to stop the silence such as the things I’ve recommended (Repeating, Questions, and observation).

But don’t be scared of it.

I hope this article helps you stop being so quiet and become a better communicator.

Only the things I love.

ongjason.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on the site, I earn an affiliate commission.

If you’re following me, you’ll know that I believe it is essential to have some tools, whether it’s for personal development or lifestyle in general.

So, here are the things I love.

YouTube

If you want to learn things for free, then I recommend you to watch my YouTube Channel. Click the Button Below to go straight into my Channel. 🙂

Okay, let me first explain my Channel.

I believe that I really can’t explain everything too well on my blog. That’s why I created a YouTube Channel so I can easily explain a lot of things. Plus, I believe that Video Sharing is the future.

Recommended Books

The next thing is books. Books are, for me, one of the cheapest ways to get invaluable information. We can learn personal development, finance, career, relationships, and many more from books.

Here, I will be listing my favorite books in different categories.

  1. For Beginners7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey – Personal development has a lot of concepts and ideas to learn. Thus it can be really hard for beginners to know where to start. Thus, I recommend this book since all the basic concepts of personal development are here(except finance, check what I recommended for that)
  2. ProductivityThe One Thing by Gary Keller – This book teaches us the power of focusing on one thing which is the ultimate source of productivity. The concepts taught are what I am using to constantly publish YouTube videos while maintaining this website.
  3. Busy?Make Time by Jack Knapp – This book teaches us how to make time for the things we love. The concept is really simple but I think that makes it a book worth reading.
  4. HealthLifespan by Dr.Sinclair – This Book teaches about the latest scientific research on lifespan. In his book, he has shared numerous things he is doing to slow down his aging process. This can be as easy as eating less which he recommends.
  5. FinanceThe Richest Man in Babylon by George Clason – Perhaps one of the first books I’ve read about Finance, this book for me is the best if we are talking about learning basic finance such as basic saving and investing. The concepts are very simple but effective.

Audiobooks

Take this advice as a grain of salt.

I don’t recommend buying Audiobooks one by one. I mean, audiobooks can be quickly finished by listening while working out or doing some mindless tasks.

So here is to save you some money. Just go for a monthly subscription to Audible. I believe that you will save a lot of money with that plus, they usually give freebies to anyone starting.

My Audiobook Recommendation will always be the same as my book recommendations, but I personally like The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. I like how she is so casual while reading her book.

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