Some people doubt their social skills as they kind of know that it needs improvement. But do you really need to improve your social skills? If it is lacking and you feel that your social skills are really bad? If you think it is, how do you know if your social skills are bad or lacking? Let’s find out.
There are numerous ways to know if you have bad or lack social skills. Some of which are when you are feeling left out in conversations with people, having trouble keeping up with a back and forth conversations, and being in awkward situations too often.
But there are too many things to check to find out if you lack social skills. We have to discuss each of them in greater detail so you can easily find out.
Here are the list of the things to look out for to find out if you have bad social skills:
- Feeling left out on a conversation with friends
- You tend to respond differently from what others expect
- You always say or do things that are wrong
- You experience a lot of awkward situations
- You are easily Irritated when talking to others
- People don’t seem interested in listening to other people
- You are very slow to respond
- It is difficult keeping up with back-and-forth conversations
- You often feel tired on conversations
Now that it is listed, let us discuss them one by one for more understanding
1. Feeling Left Out On a Conversation with Friends
Most people with poor social skills will find it very hard to cope up with other people.
This will turn into other people not being comfortable with them. Thus, cause them to find ways to get them out of a conversation.
This can also lead them to find ways to keep you out of the group.
It might be hard to imagine this happening but it is completely possible.
If you experience people getting rid of you in a group, or you feel like they are being left out in a conversation, it might mean that they feel that you have bad social skills.
That is why it is a good idea to check out the causes of poor social skills, by targeting the cause of poor social skills, we can find out a solution to the problem a lot easier.
I have an article discussing the causes of poor social skills, here is a link: What Causes Poor Social Skills?
2. You Tend to Respond Differently from What Others Expect
Most problems with social skills tends to be seen with difficulty in understanding others.
This can cause you to respond differently to others.
And sometimes, your reaction will be completely different from what others expect you to do.
For example, someone is having a hard time with their work and suddenly came to you telling that they are having some problems with work.
Most of the time, they are just looking for someone to tell their worries, and they just want you to listen or to comfort them.
Some people with poor social skills will just not care which will hurt the person, or much worse, being too philosophical and telling them that they are wrong and that is not what they should’ve done.
Just imagine the disaster it can give to the person.
3. You always Say or Do Things that are Wrong
This coexists with the 2nd thing to look out for. People with poor social skills tend to do the wrong things in a conversation.
Not having enough experience is one of the things that can cause this because you don’t have any idea how to respond.
But most likely, the problem is not listening well to the person talking.
When you don’t give any attention to the person speaking, you tend not to understand what’s going it. This leads to saying or doing the wrong things.
This is well documented in one article in this website which discussed what are the bad social skills we can have.
Here is the article, it is a good read after: “What are Bad Social Skills.“
4. You Experience a Lot of Awkward Situations
Experiencing awkward situations time by time is normal.
We are human and we make mistakes. Even people with good social skills make mistake.
But if you are always experiencing awkward situations with people who you’ve talking with because of the things you say or do, then we might have a big problem.
Awkward situations are very common if there are something wrong in the social situation.
For example, they are telling something about their life and suddenly, you diverted the topic into something they have no idea about.
This can also happen when you reacted differently to what people are expecting.
There are many reasons for an awkward situation and it can be a very good indicator if someone has bad social skills.
5. You are Easily Irritated when Talking to Others
This is mostly overlooked but irritation on conversations means that you are not comfortable with talking to people.
This can be caused by: You don’t like the person, you don’t like the topic, or you are not good at conversations.
There will be times that people will just want to befriend you and are interested in your life. It is a compliment knowing that someone is interested in knowing your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing in your life in general.
This is not a reason to be mad because they are interested in you or it seems quite weird they are asking about you.
It is important to build your confidence that your life is not boring and worth sharing.
It is one of the lessons I’ve learned in life. It is good to share your story and it is not something to be ashamed about. Be proud of your journey even if you think you are not successful yet.
It is the journey that counts.
Don’t be irritated when talking to others, if they are talking about you, then fine. If they are talking about themselves, learn to smile and be happy that they are comfortable sharing what they think with you.
6. People Don’t Seem Interested in Listening to Others Stories
If you are feeling this, then it is a big red flag.
The most common reason for this is that you always talk about yourself and not care about others.
We are social creatures and talking to people will always be a give and take relationship.
Hear them out, then talk. Then do the cycle again.
The problem happens when you show that you are not interested in the things they are talking about.
This can happen with a lot of situations, here are examples on when this applies:
- Yawning in front of the person talking
- Looking at your phone in the middle of the conversation
- Suddenly changing the topic when they talk
- Suddenly talking while they are in the middle of talking
There are more instances that this applies but it boils down to this.
Respect the other person’s story. They are telling you these for a reason and mostly, they are giving you a chance to be close to them.
7. You are Very Slow to Respond
This very slow to respond comes with two things, one is that you are tired and it is normal. Another is that you are still inexperienced in applying your social skills.
It is normal to be slow in responding especially if you are tired or sleepy. Actually, it will be a fun story to tell, and you might have a laugh or two if they see you are slow in understanding because you are tired.
Another is that you are inexperienced in applying good social skills.
But never worry about this.
This article is to find out if you have bad social skills. But being slow to respond is not really a bad thing.
It just means that you need to improve your social skills by practicing more.
Talk with the waiter, cashier or just any time you have a chance to do so.
And actually, some people find it funny to be friends with someone who is slow in responding. I am one of the example of someone who is sometimes slow in responding, especially to jokes.
But we see it as funny moments with friends.
And I am improving by constantly talking to people.
8. It is Difficult Keeping Up with Back-and-forth Conversations
Having difficulty in keeping up with conversation comes from two things. One is you are not concentrating, the other is that you are focused on what to response next and not on understanding the person.
In conversations, one of the most common mistake is that people tend to think on what to respond rather than understanding the topic.
Remember that conversations are supposed to be fluid and once you are in the zone of the conversation, it will be satisfying for both parties involved.
Another is concentration. You are not always at fault in this, maybe you are not in your prime to talk about anything.
Maybe you are experiencing some problems in life. Everyone, in a time in their lives, experience some sort of difficulty.
If you are in that situation, do not blame yourself and let’s hope you get better soon.
9. You Often Feel Tired on Conversations
If there is one thing that makes conversations fun and rewarding is that enthusiasm in the topic is important.
I know someone who likes airplanes and can tell the model of the plane while flying on the sky. How big the plane is, their speed etc.
Trust me that I don’t care on the topic. But whenever he talks, his eyes light up with excitement in sharing it.
You can feel the enthusiasm so even if the topic seems boring to me, it becomes a fun conversation.
Being tired and bored in conversation means that the interest is not involved. This is normal to happen.
But if it happens a lot of times, and you always feel bored and tired on conversations, then there is something wrong.
You might be an introvert. An introvert is not bad. I tell you that because I am an introvert. But sometimes, you need to learn how to put interest in the topic. You need to spark up the enthusiasm in the conversation to make it interesting.
Introverts are really good in social skills. If they just learn how to use it properly.
Here is a video explaining how good introverts can be in social situations.