As our world becomes more global, we can easily communicate with as many people as possible. The problem is we have to improve our social skills in order to keep up. Having good social skills will bring us good careers. It is important to learn good social skills because it was found that people with good social skills have a way more satisfying life in general. That’s why we almost always ask, how to improve our social skills and confidence?
To improve your social skills and confidence, you have to learn and apply the social skills you are learning by using it in conversations, such as when talking to friends, or a group of people. Constant practice is the fastest and most effective way in improving your social skills and confidence.
However, learning this will not be enough. We also need to find out how to apply these things. What can we do right now in our lives to constantly improve our social skills. That’s why in this article, I have listed 25 tips for you to follow so that you can improve your social skills and ultimately, your confidence.
Take note that you do not need to memorize all of them. Find the ones that will suit you the best. Have a proper self assessment on where you need some improvement. Progress, however small, is still a progress (Tip #2).
1. Have a Social Media Detox
Perhaps one of the fastest way to improve your confidence, social media detox has been an amazing tool to analyze and have a proper assessment of yourself.
There will be times where your lack of confidence comes from looking at the success of others that you will see in social media.
Here is the catch.
There is a big chance that what they are posting in social media is fake. It does not represent who they really are in person.
Sometimes, it might be true but they might just be sharing the best days of their lives.
You can never compare the worst days or the normal days of your life to the best days of others. It is just not fair.
Stepping away from social media for some time will teach you to properly know yourself. Plus, not looking at the success of others will improve your self esteem.
This is because comparison always activates our ego.
Thoughts such as: “How does he have a house at 23?”, “She got the love of her life by 18.”, “He has a loving parents.” are acts of comparison.
Confidence starts from within, and starting from within means that you should stop comparing yourself to others.
To help yourself in your social media detox, here is my article discussing my experiences in social media detox. Everything I know about social media detox will be in there: My 1 Week Social Media Detox.
2. Start Small if Necessary
Now, social media detox might be a very good way to increase your confidence then social skills very fast. However, many will not be comfortable with a very big change easily.
And that is not a problem.
We all have a pace that we are comfortable with in life. If you plan to start small, it is completely fine.
This article has numerous tips that you can slowly use in your life.
Once you’ve learned a tip discussed here, take note of this website, visit this article again then find another thing to apply.
Remember, improvement no matter small is still improvement. If you are comfortable with taking it slow, then so be it. Do not rush yourself if not necessary.
This is a marathon and not a sprint.
3. Lift your Head up and Have a Good Posture
Perhaps one of the easiest to do.
Lifting your head up and showing a good posture will give a temporary boost of confidence. It is a matter of psychology.
Some even teach a victory pose where you lift your hands up to show confidence for a few seconds. This gives a boost in confidence and a lot of athletes use it before a match.
Here is an example of a victory pose:
Doing victory pose is very cool to increase your confidence. It is very effective and perhaps, better than just standing straight with their heads up.
But, I do not recommend this because people who lack confidence and social skills will usually be ashamed of doing something like this in public.
If instead of giving confidence, it will give some shame, better not do it.
Standing straight and putting your head up also works really well. It gives a boost in your confidence mentally. Plus, you look way better when you are in a proper posture.
4. Do Something You’re Afraid Of
An example of this is the social media detox. If you want a faster result, learn to face your fears and do something that you are afraid of.
If you are afraid of public speaking, then apply to talk in public. If you are afraid of teaching, start teaching.
I myself started to improve my social skills the moment I became a lecturer. It is an amazing experience and I learned a lot about public speaking.
It might be really scary at first. I remember my first lecture, I was sweating a lot. But that is not a problem. Just do it and once you are in the situation, you will find a way,
This is very scary, but the improvement will be extremely fast, and you will be amazed on how good you can be.
Are you ready to face yourself? How about knowing more about your social skills. Here is an article showing how you will know if you have bad social skills. In that article, point out where you need some improvements so you can be more specific on where you need to improve: How do you know if you have bad social skills?
5. Think That You are Confident Even If it is Fake
Have you heard of the saying fake it till you make it? Now let us upgrade that saying into fake it, till you become it.
Faking confidence boosts your confidence temporarily. This is really important because we are not always the same.
What I mean by that is there are times that we feel that we are the best, there will be times that we will be not.
Our confidence will be different if we are surrounded with our friends compared to strangers. When we had a good sleep versus we are sleep deprived.
We are not always the same since we have emotions.
There will be times that you just don’t have confidence in yourself. How about learning how to fake it.
Another thing to practice this is to have a daily affirmation. But this does not work for everyone.
Daily affirmations are what you recite daily and tell yourself to boost your confidence.
- “I am trying my best every day”
- “I am step by step getting near my goals”
- “I am confident.”
- “I am confident socially and enjoy meeting new people.”
All of these are affirmations. If this works for you, then it can be a good practice since it only takes a few minutes each day.
6. Learn and Practice Open-Ended Questions
One of the most famous tip on practicing social skills. It is really famous because it works.
Open ended questions are questions where you are expecting people to answer not just a yes or a no.
Remember that when practicing open ended questions, you are trying to let the person tell their story instead of just nodding.
My opinion, it is a hard thing to master. If you are just starting in boosting your confidence and have good social skills, it is not a good place to start.
But it is really effective. Here are examples of open-ended questions:
- How did you have success in the past?
- What does that mean?
- What do you think of this?
Remember that when using open-ended questions, you are preventing someone from giving a yes or no answer. That is the easiest way to know if you are using it correctly or not.
7. Learn from Rejections
Rejections might be really painful and I know how hard it feels to be rejected in life. Whether it will be on the family, life, career or friends.
But let’s look at it the other way. What if we think of mistakes as a learning opportunity?
What if instead of thinking how awful rejections are, we take note of this and improve ourselves?
For example, instead of thinking that you have failed in a job interview, what if you analyzed why did you not show any confidence while explaining your skills to the interviewer.
What if instead of just blaming yourself why you got rejected, you see it as an opportunity to look for the things you did wrong so you can address it.
As others say, experience is the best teacher.
Rejections are powerful experiences which will teach us a lot about life.
8. Set a Goal for Improvement
It is never easy to hit a goal without any target.
the easiest analogy to explain this is in basketball.
Have you ever tried to shoot a ball without any rim? Where will you shoot the ball then?
That is exactly the point of the goal. What is your goal for this week? What will you start to address today so that you will improve your social skills.
Will you start with open ended questions? Will you start standing up straight? Will you start analyzing your rejections?
All of it can work if you have a goal. Plus, if you have a goal, you can set the next goal once it is completed. Goal setting is one of the key concepts of self-improvement.
9. Reward Yourself for doing a good job
Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you did a good job, no matter how small it is, reward yoruself.
One of the reasons why people fail is that they are too hard on themselves. If they did not reach their goal even if they had some improvements, they will start blaming themselves.
If you do not take care of yourself, who will then?
Having some accomplishments deserve a reward from you. It might be a simple meal or something you really like.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying your life.
Remember that in life, it is the journey that counts. So enjoy the journey. The tiny steps you did to get better.
You will thank your own self for this.
Remember that tiny steps, no matter how tiny, is still progress.
10. Start making a Gratefulness Journal
Starting to make a greatfulness journal is one of the best ways to improve your confidence. Remember that confidence is one of the key aspect of good social skills.
This is because sharing your own life requires confidence for it to be interesting.
Be grateful for the things you have in life, you will see that there are small things that you are grateful for.
For example, in my gratefulness journal, I was thanking that I can eat the things I like. I have roof above my head.
This will make you humble. Guess what, people like humble people.
One of the key proponent of making Gratefulness Journals is Benjamin Franklin. He also lists things he is grateful for every day.
And you already know how great he has been, and the proof is his face is on the money we use.
11. Give Compliments
Almost all people love compliments.
Whether it is their career, family, hobby or their body.
Compliments are one of the easiest ways to light up a conversation. If you plan to start making a conversation lighter or you are meeting somebody new, throwing a compliment makes it easier to make friends.
But take not that while compliments are really good, throwing too much compliments or complimenting things that are wrong might have a different result.
This is because people can sense if you are just faking your compliments. It is one thing to be in awe and compliment a person, it is a different story if you are just lying to someone.
So be careful when using compliments. You should know when to use them, and know when not to use them.
12. Learn more About Social Skills
It is one thing to practice, it is another to study.
The good thing is it is very easy to access books that can teach us about social skills. Also, there are tons of courses and videos that give us tips to be more social.
It is now very easy to access information and we can use that to your advantage.
One of the best books that can teach us more about improving our social skills is the book How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. The even better thing is that I made a book review so that you will have the key takeaways from that book in just a few minutes. If you are a reader type of person, then here is the link to the article: How to Win Friends and Influence People Book Summary
if you prefer video reviews, then here is my video on YouTube discussing the book:
13. Small Talks are a good practice
Practicing is one of he best ways to improve your social skills and actually, everything in life.
To have small talks, you can talk to waiter at a restaurant, or a cashier by the store.
You can also have small talks with your co-workers.
In life, practice makes you learn faster. It is the same for all such as when learning a new language, starting to code, drawing, and social skills.
So start learning by application. Small talks can give you that.
14. Listen to Motivational Music or Watch Motivational clips
We are affected by our environment. Our environment is will always reflect our current mood.
What I mean by this is that if you fill yourself with sad songs or movies then you will start manifesting that in how you react.
What if instead of feeding your mind with those thoughts, you start to listen to motivational songs. What if instead of listening to various videos telling you that you can’t do anything in life, you started watching motivational videos.
Look how you will be pumped up to start making yourself better.
Motivation is important to start self improvement. No doubt that the intense drive to make yourself better especially your social skills is important for you to stick with the plan.
Remember that our plan is to improve our social skills. With enough motivation, we can start or force ourselves to work on our goals.
15. Practice Good Manners
If you are wondering why it is in the tips. Here is the reason.
The reason for good manners is that most people expect this from you. This means that they expect you to have the proper conduct when interacting with them.
That is the reason why this is important. In fact, having good manners will make you look interesting to others.
Good manners are what people or society is expecting, and doing what they are expecting you to do will make them like you.
That is the goal of good social skills. For people to accept you.
16. Remember your Best Moments, Not the Worse Events
Some people are just too harsh on themselves.
Every person, no matter how lacking they are in certain aspects, have strengths.
Remember to celebrate your victories. Use them as motivation to go further.
The only time to remember the worse events is to use it as a means to learn something to improve yourself.
But do not use it so pull yourself down.
If you don’t start loving yourself, how do you expect others to love you? Remember that you will project your emotion to the people around you.
And if you project only sad emotions, people won’t like it. Because they also want to be happy.
17. Body Language is Important
If you are just starting out, this is one of the hardest things to master first.
People say that body language accounts for 70% of what the person is saying. There are instances where they will say differently from what they feel. The body can’t lie. That is why many people can know if someone is lying.
In projecting body language, it comes from experience. Such examples are if a person is looking at their watch, it means that they are bored.
Or if they are crossing their arms, it means that they are not in the mood for the conversation.
But it is one of the hardest to learn and you get it from experience. From now, the body language I want you to start with is standing straight and putting your head up.
This means that you will start projecting confidence in your body language and people like confident people.
18. Try to Meet up with Other People
Small talks are a good practice, but it is not enough.
Talking and meeting with people will start putting you into a deeper relationship with them. This trains your social skills to the next level.
There are numerous apps you can try to meet new people, or you can meet your friends or family.
Do whatever works for you to practice your social skills.
Remember that practice is very important if you want to improve.
19. Find Friends with Good Social Skills
If you surround yourself with people with good social skills, you can see how they live their lives.
They can also teach you how they start to interact or why they feel that a person is lying.
Basically, surrounding yourself with people that are good in social skills will make it easier for you to look for pointers.
Another is that if you still have poor social skills, they can easily understand you. So you will win all the way.
20. Try to Stay Away from Negative People
This goes hand in hand with having a good circle of friends.
Because it is a bad idea to stay away from your friends just because they might be negative, I just want to give a warning.
Negativity is contagious.
Negative people can start telling you negative things. This in turn can change your mood and can affect your social skills.
Things such as: “Why are you improving yourself? Is that the best you can do?”
This can hurt your feelings and may remove you from your self improvement journey.
If you can’t stay away, just be cautious of how contagious negativity is. It will be a better idea to stay away from this.
21. Write your Worries Down to Release Stress
Stress is a big problem. I have seen lots of people suddenly bursting into anger and in turn, it ruined their relationship to others.
It might even make people stay away from you.
To cope up with stress, one thing is to vet your frustrations to a close friend.
Another is to write it down in a journal. It is very effective and why a lot of successful people have a journal.
Not only they have a place to put their ideas, but it is also a good place to put your stresses in life.
This makes you into a happier person overall, and will affect every aspect of your life including social skills.
22. Find and Replace your Negative Thinking
Do you remember that I told you that negativity is contagious?
It might be that you are already affected. Now is the time to have a proper assessment on yourself.
Find out if you see some negativity in your life. Replace it with positivity.
Remember that people generally hate negative people, and prefer to hang out with the ones that support their dreams and goals in life.
Be one of those people that empower other and not the ones who starts negativity.
Why is exercise in this list?
Simply because you feel more confident if you are in top perfect shape.
It gives a boost in confidence if you work on something and say results. This involves your own body.
Not only that a fit body gives you confidence, it is also scientifically proven to increase a hormone called testosterone.
Testosterone has been shown to increase a person’s confidence.
24. Have a Cold Showers
Cold showers teach us one thing.
While there are lots of claimed scientific evidence of cold showers such as the increase in blood flow and concentration, there is something psychological it can teach us.
Cold showers teaches us to accept pain and just take the first step. In the shower, you will know how painful it is to be in cold. Now that you know it will hurt, most will just stay away from it.
But if you learn day by day to be courageous and step in the shower even if it is cold, you will start building discipline.
Discipline is very important in everything in life including how you plan to continue improving your social skills.
As in life, the most painful thing is to start. Starting a business, starting a blog, starting a YouTube Channel and starting to improve your social skills. All of these are hard.
The question is will you take the first step?
25. Go to Social Events Early
If you are just starting out in improving your social skills, it is important to go to social events as early as possible.
This is because the environment is a very important factor in socializing.
Going to a place where you are not comfortable combined with new people will make you feel terrible.
Going early makes sure that you can start getting comfortable with your environment. After that, you can easily start socializing with others.
It is better to handle these stresses one by one than handling them all at the same time.
Believe me, it is better.
Also, going early is a sign of good manners and discipline (Tip# 15).